Courageous Heartfelt Connection
In a time when we are being asked to stay at home, to limit contact with others, and to avoid gatherings it can be really challenging to feel connected, especially those of us living alone or who are separated from our families. Stress may leave us feeling disconnected from our partners and families even though we live together. Our daily interactions can feel more transactional and less heartfelt leaving us with a sense of loneliness.
The ways we would connect with our communities have had to adapt to mostly virtual settings or if it feels safe to go out, from six feet away where it can be challenging to make eye contact and see facial expressions.
When our country is facing one of the scariest and most challenging times, people are becoming more isolated and alone. Creating shared sense of safety with another is embedded into our nervous system since birth and when this need isn’t met we are faced with deterioration in psychological and physical wellbeing.
“ Proximity to others, particularly trusted others, signals safety. When we lack proximity to trusted others our brain and body may respond with a state of heightened alert. This can result in increases in blood pressure, stress hormones, and inflammatory responses—which if experienced on an ongoing basis can put us at increased risk for a variety of chronic illnesses. Among those with pre-existing health conditions, these changes in physiology could potentially exacerbate the condition, precipitate the onset of an acute event, or hasten disease progression.” -Julianne Holt-Lunstad, professor of psychology and neuroscience and Director of the Social Connections and Health Research Laboratory at Brigham Young University.
Inversely, when we are feeling connected our nervous system senses safety and therefore we are able to maintain balance. In this state, our health and immunity are able to function optimally.
“In a state of connection, health, growth, and restoration are possible.” -Deb Dana, LCSW
At this time we are challenged to become more creative in how we create connection in our lives. It may take stepping outside of our comfort zones, asking for what we need, and being more emotionally attuned and compassionate towards others.
How do we create a courageous heartfelt connection in this difficult time?
Begin by taking an inventory of your connection network with the following reflection (Loosely adapted from “Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection” by Deb Dana)
Take a moment to reflect on the relationships in your life where you feel socially connected, safe, warm, and welcome with a sense of reciprocity and companionship.
What moments of your life do you feel most connected to these people?
How do you feel when you are connected with another?
Set an intention to invite in more heartfelt connection in your life. Support this intention through action by reaching out to some of the people who came to mind in your reflection and share this intention in your own words.
I truly believe that we are unique beings and have different needs. What might be a way to feel connected to me may feel uncomfortable or unsafe for you and visa versa.
For me, a heartfelt connection has three integral components:
Presence: To give your undivided attention and to be mindful of ourselves and each other emotionally, psychologically, and energetically.
Acceptance: To be non-judgmental and accepting of one another even when we don’t agree.
Compassion: To have an overall sense of goodwill, kindness, and love towards each other.
These days connection may come in the form of setting a time for a video chat or phone call, requesting uninterrupted time with your partner or family, or taking a socially distant walk with a friend. It is important to choose something that feels safe for you and is an authentic expression of your heart.
This blog post is referring to human connection. However, it is very possible to have a heartfelt connection with animals as well. So if you are isolated from other humans at home, but have a pet, you can create the space for heartfelt connection in that relationship as well.
Whatever your authentic heartfelt connection may be, know that it is an important resource for your well-being.
Resources:
“Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection” by Deb Dana
The Double Pandemic Of Social Isolation And COVID-19: Cross-Sector Policy Must Address Both by Julianne Holt-Lunstad (Health Affairs Blog. Read full post at: https://www.healthaffairs.org/do/10.1377/hblog20200609.53823/full/