Maitri: Friendship Towards One’s Self

Photo by Andreina Diaz

Friendship towards oneself is an act of self-care, but one that is often overlooked, avoided, and ignored. It is often so easy to judge, blame, and criticize ourselves causing great pain and yet so challenging at times to love, accept, and support ourselves

“Imagine treating yourself like you were a friend. You’d be encouraging, warm, and sympathetic. You’d help yourself heal and grow.”-From Dr. Rick Hanson, Resilient

We can practice this type of love and compassion towards ourselves with loving kindness and heart-care meditations. In these meditations we take time to hold our hearts with tenderness and care no matter what is happening, how vulnerable we might be, whether we succeed or fail. No matter what we hold ourselves with a kind, loving acceptance. We extend friendship towards ourselves as if it were towards someone we really care about and love.

This is an inner strength and a resource in our life. We can rely on ourselves to have our own back.  This may lead to a greater sense of well-being and connection, which leads to us being better friends to those around us including the earth. Being a kind friend to ourselves benefits all beings.

Try this practice:

Find a comfortable seat. Take 3 slow deep breaths. Inhale through the nose and exhale slowly through the mouth. Let go all of the way through the exhale and allow the inhale to flow in effortlessly, like a wave washing onto the shore. Let your breath return your natural breath rhythm. Letting go of control, and allowing your body to breathe all by itself.

With a quiet and attentive mind, simply be present with the sensations of your body and feel into the effortless flow of your breath.

And as if you were holding your dearest friend in your mind’s eye and in your heart, turn your unconditional friendship and love inward. Feeling fully your good intentions and good heart. Holding yourself with tenderness and care.

Say the following phrases to yourself silently*:

My I love myself just as I am

May I be safe and protected

May I be peaceful and at ease

May I be gentle with myself when I feel vulnerable

May I be a friend to myself in times of joy or suffering

May I be happy

*You may want to create your own phrases that feel more authentic to you.